Married to Medicine (guest blog post by Chris)

Sunday, April 28, 2019

Nigg Majestic

 

Marry a Doctor, they say. It’ll be great, they say. “No thanks”, I said! As terrible as that sounds, it was actually quite the case. Having been in public safety and EMS for almost 20 years, I had my thoughts about intermingling that home and work life. Besides, those doctors, their schedules are quite possibly as bad as a firefighter’s.  Who would sign up for that willingly? I guess it’s easy to think you have it all figured out, until you realize there’s far more than meets the eye with this lifestyle.

With so much school and training, doctors are certainly more academically and time constrained than the rest of us beginning our careers. The naive me wanted to believe, there’s no way I’d have any kind of a social connection to someone of the sort! Every time I brought in a patient into the emergency room from the field, those docs always seemed so bland.  Not interested!! I can also vividly remember thinking, “this career I’ve chosen takes such a heavy emotional and mental toll on me, I need my significant other to be in something completely unrelated”. It’s no secret that many firefighters find their life long loves in the hospital setting or other realms of public safety, but I was determined to alter course. When I was off duty, I needed to be OFF DUTY! Oddly enough, dating endeavors showed me that I was vastly wrong. What I needed was that doc who not only understood my world, but also had that deeply nurturing soul. And well, all that education, leads for incredibly good conversation and spirited debate after all.  What more could a guy ask for?!

It’s quite the learning curve going down the path of life with a doc by your side. Their struggles are heavy and often times, incomparable to anyone else around us. I often times look at my wife and think, “how the heck does she remember all that stuff?” They’re held up on society’s pedestal and the elite of the elite. I guess you can say they have no choice. Admiration doesn’t begin to describe how I feel in those reflections. Do I ever feel inferior? Certainly not. We’re all experts in our own realm, contributing to the greater good as we’ve chosen to do. But the battle of wits can get definitely get pretty intense at home sometimes! That’s just good old fashioned competitive fun, right? At least I think so.

 

Nigg Majestic

 

One of my biggest complaints from the start is validated regularly though. This schedule of my Doctor Cassie can be a complete mess. I’m quite certain that her and all of her colleagues live in a constant state of exhaustion. Never quite completely rested, its a rotating schedule between early morning shifts, graveyard shifts, and everything in between, can be absolutely brutal…. for the both of us. I was introduced to Cassie’s evil alter ego pretty early on. You know, the one that’s cranky and irritable and very unforgiving.  Yes, that one. A common night shift theme around the house, the alter ego just comes with the territory. Treading lightly and choosing battles becomes a highly sought after skill set. I mean, that’s even if we get a chance to see each other, that is. As the saying goes, we’re quite often “two ships passing in the night”. The quick kiss as were both coming or going, has to be held onto tightly since we sometimes only get quality hours together once or twice a week. I can’t blame that entirely on the life of a doctor, considering the fire life has me coming and going at all days and hours of the week sometimes too. Either way, we definitely pride ourselves on making it work. Those “date nights”, days on the couch together and frequent vacations are an absolute must have in the lives of two people with so much at stake professionally.

 

Nigg Majestic

 

Imagine the compassion one must have to commit their lives to helping others in their greatest time of need. Saving lives, taking the pain away, or even just providing the comfort we all deeply need sometimes. My medical professional rides the emotional rollercoaster every day as she holds each patient near and dear to her heart. Their outcomes weigh on her heavily, good or bad. Consequently, they also weigh on us together. I feel her sadness, grief and happiness, and try my best to be there for her regardless of the good or bad. I consider myself fortunate for knowing those same emotions first hand in my career, but the real victory is knowing that I can be her rock of support at any given time. This duty, I don’t take lightly, nor for granted. It comes with the territory. Only time will tell how our family-to-be will navigate these same waters.

Nigg Majestic

 

We can’t wait to have our very own little ones. You know, so we can give them names that start with “C” just like us! Or at least we talk about it often. If I’m being honest though, we constantly find ourselves trying to figure out how it will all work. You know, our schedules, emotional/mental/physical drain, finances, a family house and so on. Will we even logistically be able to pull it off? To nanny or not to nanny… THAT will be the question!! Either way, we know we have so much love to give and some smarty pants genes to pass along, so we’re determined to make it work. In the mean time, we spend our days spoiling the dog and ourselves, as to enjoy the so well deserved fruits of our labor. After all, that shiny new thing is often the reward for working so hard right? We both believe heavily in monetary therapy from time to time, which provides for some incredible fun time together. Even if that means sharing interest in the latest and greatest purse or pair of shoes. What baby wants, baby gets!!! She deserves it.

 

Nigg Majestic

 

This thing we have going is quite possibly one of the most difficult experiences I’ve experienced to date. Sure marriage is an adventure filled with ups and downs, but whoever said that, most likely wasn’t aware of what it’s like to be married to medicine. The downs can be much more prevalent if you’re not ready for how taxing the profession can be. My elite smarty-pants wife is the pillar of all that is good in the world to many, but when she’s home and in my arms, she’s my fragile, tired, emotionally ambiguous inspiration. Neither of us know what the next day will bring, even when we’re forced to schedule and hour of time together, 2 weeks ahead of time. But one thing is for sure, we keep it real interesting in this house!

 

Nigg Majestic

 

Comment below if you’re married to medicine! Tell us about your experiences.

 

Photos by Lorely Meza 

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15 thoughts on “Married to Medicine (guest blog post by Chris)”

  1. Emma
      

    I work in the pharmaceutical field. My weekly schedule change. My boyfriend & I don’t always see each other everyday, sometimes it’s only 1 or 2 times a week. It’s hard dating someone, not living together (yet) & barely having time to see each other. I can work 10 hour days back to back to back & on my day off I’ll just want to sleep. He gets it though. He makes sure we always see each other always say goodnight. It’s hard sometimes but we learn to live with it & make the absolute best out of what we have.

    • Cassie
        

      That sounds like the beginning of an ever lasting, healthy relationship! I’m happy that you’ve found a partner who cares for you and is there for you even with a busy schedule.

  2. rhs
      

    Thank you for sharing this. I’m a female surgery resident, and ever since I appended MD to my name, dating has been a complete disaster. Yes, it’s my schedule, my exhaustion, the fact that my job, by necessity, comes first. But even aside from that, the very fact of my professional role and credentials seems to trigger so much insecurity in so many men.

    I need a partner with whom I can be vulnerable and in whom I can seek comfort. Someone who sees me as a woman and not only as a surgeon. Someone who is secure enough in their own life and skills, and who appreciates that their contributions matter as much as my own.

    It fills my heart with joy to know that Cassie has someone in her life who strives to understand and support her in those ways. And it gives me hope. Thanks for sharing what it feels like to be a good man to a good woman… a good doctor. It’s a valuable perspective.

    • Cassie
        

      I have heard this from many of my friends, and it’s sad. I’m sorry that you have had to experience anything other than positive encounters while dating. I promise there are men out there who will appreciate you, for you. And until then, keep giving your time and energy to those who deserve it 🙂

  3. Selma
      

    Love this post! ❤️❤️

    • Cassie
        

      Thank you so much!

  4. Erin Rodriquez
      

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 18 years. I am now in nursing school which has its own challenges. Steve let’s me experience any emotion because who knows what each day will bring.
    Thank you, Chris. Your blog had me teary eyed.

    • Cassie
        

      Aw, I’m so happy to read this message. It’s really important to find a partner that allows you to be and experience whatever life brings you. His blog had me teary eyed too!

  5. Christopher
      

    Great post Chris! Two people so passionate about their careers and interests deserve someone who can be that passionate about their partner and support all their endeavors; no matter how ambitious!

    As for “two ships passing in the night”, my wife’s “malaphor” is “two trains passing in the night”, I’ve come to define it as short periods together, often in which there’s no shortage of chatter and emotions before we both continue onto our chaotic schedules.

    • Cassie
        

      Thank you for the comment. It seems you know exactly what we are talking about. I’m happy to hear that you’ve found a partner that gets it too!

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  7. Hannah
      

    My fiancé just started his medical residency at UAB, and I already relate so much to this post! It brought a tear to my eyes reading how your husband describes his admiration for you, as it mirrors my heart as well for mine. Thank you so much for sharing!

  8. billy
      

    Congratulations!! It is a very beautiful wedding. Thank you for sharing your story.
    In my case, it is the opposite. I can be most comfortable with my husband because he is a doctor. I always wanted to marry a doctor from the beginning. It is so easy that he can understand everything, and discuss everything I experience and gives valid opinions when I say about my work and the same goes for his side as well. I cannot imagine spending life with someone who does not share your job. trying to explain every medical term. But it depends on the person anyway…

    • Cassie
        

      Totally! I can definitely relate to that too. My hubs understands the mental aspect of my job and that is definitely most important to me. He knows enough from paramedic school to know what procedures and diagnoses are, so that part works but I love that I can still teach him things that he doesn’t know haha I agree it would be SO hard to be with someone who doesn’t know anything about the medical field or has not experienced it

  9. Lina
      

    So sweet and nice🤗

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